I have a grownup age but kid toys. My age is the same as the percentage of my apartment taken up by The Big Box of Stuffed Animals. 

I sit on my knees, reach in, and grab something fun.

Ki Yo Tee

Mao tin gote 

Bar Ock O Bomb Ma

All my toys are soft even if they are political celebrities. They attempt to be as realistic as possible without including any hard parts. 

I sit on my knees and smush them into my gut.

Snoge Ewse

Huh Ming Burd

Goaled Fnch

I sit on my knees and go ‘aww’ at the new toys that magically appear in the box. I just got a…  

Tar ranch chula

Ball Deegle 

Maarck Twaaane

and 

Kid Knees Tone

Hmm, what’s this? I thought. It was a cute little brown spike blob that didn’t look too scary, but when I smushed it into my gut… it hurt.

Its surprise-crags poked right into my flesh and influenced my nerves and soon there was a shooting pain from the center of my gut all the way down to my… (whisper) penis…

“Grate Hornd OWWW-wull!” I said, “What put this in here?!”

I tried to toss the Kid Knees Tone back in the box, but for some reason it stayed smushed in me, a knifey stick, a killer sting, a kicking stab, a king sore moving down, over and over from my gut thru my groin to my… (whisper) penis..

I could only get off my knees and run to the bathroom and sit on the toilet and chant to myself till it was over… 

“grownup age

grownup toy

grownup age

grownup toy

grownup age

grownup toy”