I just turned forty years old. I’m not married, I don’t have any kids, and I don’t have a serious romantic partner at the moment, nor any prospects really.
I couldn’t’ve seen this coming when I was young. I was raised on movies and tv shows in which the male protagonist almost always got the girl in the end no matter how flawed he was. And since I was the protagonist of my own life, I expected the same.
I’ve had my moments, but love was never really easy for me. If I’m being realistic it’s probably the 5 S’s: I’m short, I’m shy, I’m strange, I’m a slob, and I’m selfish. Maybe there are even more S’s, or other letters. Maybe some I’m not even aware of. At first it seemed unfair, but that kinda makes a lot of sense. Who would want to be around this or pass it down to potential offspring?
Sometimes it seemed like a certain type of young troubled bohemian wouldn’t mind. But they had their own S’s and other letters, and were pretty much always doomed to failure too whether it was unrequited feelings right off the bat, sudden loss of interest, or long term incompatibility.
Maybe it’s not so bad being alone. There is the freedom thing. Maybe love never happens again and that’s okay.
But there’s also maybe something to leveling up, and changing patterns of attraction, and fighting the voice inside that says it’s too late.
Either way it’s confusing. Sometimes all I can do is just write about it. Go to the dark places, and usually try to end up with some kind of optimism, cuz… ya know, you just have to.
- Do you get wasted in the middle of the day, and/or believe that opposites attract?
- Do you like German accents, and/or want to reach your full potential?
- Do you admire chandeliers, and/or kiss in public?
- Do you get turned on by people undressing, and/or not want to be told what to do?
- Does your dog chew underwear, and/or do you ever miss your ex?
- Do you have an odd fascination with dead insects, and/or choose partners who are doomed to fail?
- Do you write about knives, and/or want to be honest with someone about the real you?
- Do you wash your hands for the full twenty seconds, and/or regret the way you treated your ex?
- Do you like documentaries about Bowerbirds, and/or ever feel the temptation to give up on love?