When I got to the ER the Doctor asked me, “On a scale of 1-10 how bad is your pain right now?” “10,” I said, and they gave me some drugs. When the Paramedics put me in the ambulance to another hospital they asked me the same thing. “Still an 8,” I told them, andContinue reading “Latest from Book of Pain: “Pain Scale””
Monthly Archives: March 2021
Latest from Book of Pain: “Dresden Firestorm/Sticking Things Up Penis”
I thought about the 1945 Allied firebombing of Dresden as the Doctor told me about my next procedure. Fire tornadoes sucked babies from their mother’s arms. People dove into ponds hoping to find relief but actually got boiled alive. In one bomb shelter they thought they were safe but ended up melting like ice cream.
Latest from Book of Pain: “It’s Harder to Diagnose When Multiple Things Are Going On”
“Where’s the pain?” the Doctor asked.
I pointed to my right abdomen.
“And when does it hurt?” he asked.
“Whenever I walk for any period of time,” I said, “also when I listen to the Counting Crows “Hanginaround,” or sometimes for no reason at all.”
“Counting Crows, eh?” the Doctor raised his brow.
Latest from Book of Pain: “Brad the Manager”
Brad the Manager, brrrgged thru the door, clutching his side and squinting tightly. “What’s wrong with him?” I asked one of the other servers. “Kidney stone,” they told me. “What a trooper!” I didn’t like the way ‘trooper’ sounded.
Latest from Book of Pain: “Acupuncture-on-Solstice”
I’m in pain. So I went to get rid of it at Acupunture-on-Solstice. Where they stick tiny needles in your flesh while the sun takes the longest time to set.
Latest from Book of Pain: “Kid Knees Tone”
I have a grownup age but kid toys My age exactly matches the percentage of my apartment taken up by The Big Box of Stuffed Animals I sit on my knees, reach in, and grab something fun Ki Yo Tee Mao Tin Gote Bar Ock O Bomb Ma All my toys areContinue reading “Latest from Book of Pain: “Kid Knees Tone””