I very fluidly strolled into the bank to get laundry money. There was no line, and I was able to go right up to the teller.
“Quarters,” I said.
“How much?” he asked.
“Ten bucks,” I said without missing a beat.
I had two five-dollar bills all ready to go. They slipped effortlessly from my hand to his.
Then he flipped me the roll, which I caught mid-air.
“Merci beaucoup,” I winked.
“No problemo,” he nodded.
Finally, in one motion, I grabbed a complimentary lollypop out of the cup, unwrapped it, and stuck it on my tongue, and strutted toward the exit.
I was about to shout out, “COMPLETE SUCCESS!” as soon as I was outside.
But when I tried to open the door it wouldn’t.
“What the hell?” I said.
Then I started throttling it with all my might, but it still wouldn’t open.
“Push don’t pull,” the bank teller hollered over.
He was right. It said it right there on the door.
“Total failure,” I sighed and pushed thru the exit.
August 2019, Boulder, CO