Latest from Book of Baseball: “What’s the Catcher Hiding?”

all that equipment…
helmet
chest protector
shin&knee guards

all tucked down…
low on knees 
between bulky batter
and heavy-set ump
everyone watching the pitch&bat anyway

the catcher could be hiding anything and no one would know…

maybe vaseline?
maybe performance enhancing drugs?
or an extra ball to fool everyone?  

they say there once was a catcher who tried to hide a whole self under there…
The Nervous Sexy Angel 

halo crammed under cap
eye-shadow behind face mask
chest sucked all the way in

lingerie tucked in jock
excitably flapping hands
wings strapped down

steady twitch leg
back pocket harp 
fingerless fishnets inside the mitt

arguing with the devil between pitches
rubbing painted toes seductively over the batter's box
compulsively stuttering nonsensical combinations of words like
‘m-m-margarita m-moonlight” “heaven uh uh Socrates” and “freak-eak-eak bonjour”

no one had any idea what was going on
they thought he was a relaxed unholy normal normal normal athlete
and that’s how The Catcher liked it

but then there was a baserunner
a speedster at first with a big lead
who went flying on the next pitch
and the catcher hadta jump to his feet and fire the ball to second
and fwip pop the second basemen caught it clean and tagged him
and it was scored CAUGHT STEALING!

and also caught hiding

cuz a little golden light came out from under the catcher’s sleeve
and he wore high heeled spikes
and he’d bitten the nail right off the thumb 

and the whole stadium noticed 

and except for maybe a couple 
they all shook their heads and said “not supposta be”
even tho they all had something hidden too

May 2020, Cornville, AZ 
Listen to “What’s the Catcher Hiding?” here!

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For more from the Nine Books series…

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