When I got to the ER the Doctor asked me, “On a scale of 1-10 how bad is your pain right now?” “10,” I said, and they gave me some drugs. When the Paramedics put me in the ambulance to another hospital they asked me the same thing. “Still an 8,” I told them, andContinue reading “Latest from Book of Pain: “Pain Scale””
Category Archives: Nine Books
Latest from Book of Pain: “Dresden Firestorm/Sticking Things Up Penis”
I thought about the 1945 Allied firebombing of Dresden as the Doctor told me about my next procedure. Fire tornadoes sucked babies from their mother’s arms. People dove into ponds hoping to find relief but actually got boiled alive. In one bomb shelter they thought they were safe but ended up melting like ice cream.
Latest from Book of Pain: “It’s Harder to Diagnose When Multiple Things Are Going On”
“Where’s the pain?” the Doctor asked.
I pointed to my right abdomen.
“And when does it hurt?” he asked.
“Whenever I walk for any period of time,” I said, “also when I listen to the Counting Crows “Hanginaround,” or sometimes for no reason at all.”
“Counting Crows, eh?” the Doctor raised his brow.
Latest from Book of Pain: “Brad the Manager”
Brad the Manager, brrrgged thru the door, clutching his side and squinting tightly. “What’s wrong with him?” I asked one of the other servers. “Kidney stone,” they told me. “What a trooper!” I didn’t like the way ‘trooper’ sounded.
Latest from Book of Pain: “Acupuncture-on-Solstice”
I’m in pain. So I went to get rid of it at Acupunture-on-Solstice. Where they stick tiny needles in your flesh while the sun takes the longest time to set.
Latest from Book of Pain: “Kid Knees Tone”
I have a grownup age but kid toys My age exactly matches the percentage of my apartment taken up by The Big Box of Stuffed Animals I sit on my knees, reach in, and grab something fun Ki Yo Tee Mao Tin Gote Bar Ock O Bomb Ma All my toys areContinue reading “Latest from Book of Pain: “Kid Knees Tone””
Latest from Book of Food: “Drunk at King Soopers”
Back in my more lost days I’d have a few Jack&Cokes and go to the grocery store. The drinking was for other social reasons, but in the midst of my buzz I’d remember there was no food at home and something hadta be done. It was usually after midnight, so I’d hafta go to KingContinue reading “Latest from Book of Food: “Drunk at King Soopers””
Latest from Book of Food: “New Mexico Econo Lodge Breakfast”
The old man at the New Mexico Econo Lodge front desk watched me closely as I went to get my complimentary breakfast. I’d just put a banana and a blueberry muffin on my plate and was about to go for the scrambled eggs and sausage. “Don’t touch those!” he suddenly shouted.
Latest from Book of Food: “Nobody in the World Is My Age (Samoas)”
There was a Girl Scout at my school selling cookies. She was there all by herself but seemed to have it under control, setting up the table with all the colorful boxes lined up, making the right change for customers, and tallying up the orders. “I’ll take one of those,” I pointed to a purpleContinue reading “Latest from Book of Food: “Nobody in the World Is My Age (Samoas)””
Latest from Book of Food: “Utah Arby’s Woke”
There were no Black People in the Utah Arby’s No Mexican No Indigenous No Asian No Jewish No Queer No Trans No Female Identifying No Neurodiverse No Disabled People There were just two big White Guys and me – small White Guy.
Jonathan Bluebird Montgomery 